I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You need Xanax blowdarts
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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