Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
