Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize