The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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