when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
