Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
