Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
