If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
