This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
