If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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