i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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