in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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