ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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