You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it's great music for shaving your balls
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
