Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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