Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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