what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
