well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
