We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
