Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize