guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
