There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
