Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
