I accidentally burped into my bong.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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