I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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