the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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