...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
