I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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