i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
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I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
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As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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