I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
