I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You're like the curious george of whores
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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