It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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