I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
