at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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