hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
