She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
