Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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