WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
