That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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