I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
