He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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