This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
