Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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