You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
