I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
