Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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