she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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