He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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