Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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