I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
