your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
