Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
