I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just found a bag of teeth...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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