Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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