I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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