She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
