I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
