I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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