We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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