Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
