So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
