6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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