guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
