Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
