NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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