It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
