guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
