jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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