I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You need Xanax blowdarts
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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