she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
no you cant smoke seaweed
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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