You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
