Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
