I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
