My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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