Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
