FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
