Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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