Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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