I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
